Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
