Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize