I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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