i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
