he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
