I cannot find my penis.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
