I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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