My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
