If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
