Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
