I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
