my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
