i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Randomize
