i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
The adults are the big ones right?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
