we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
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The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
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I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
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