So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
