Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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