She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
