i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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