So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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