I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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