i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
