Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize