oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Randomize