hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
