I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
This girl is more easily done than said...
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
