xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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