i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
