I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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