New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Randomize
