The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
