I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
25 People Admit the Worst Things They’ve Done for Good Reasons
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
My thoughts exactly.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
25 Things All Men Can Definitely Agree On
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt