We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.