They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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