No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
