Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
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in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
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I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
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