Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
