my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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