I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize