some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
