He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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