So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize