Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
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This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
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