The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
