forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
