I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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