so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
