did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
