Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
