GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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