kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize