She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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