i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize