i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
That was before I lit my hair on fire
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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