its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
