we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Randomize
