I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
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There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
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Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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