great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
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I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
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The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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