I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
