i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
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She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
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there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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