just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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