Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
It's never too late to be topless.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
