This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
